do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
