Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
