i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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