I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
