He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
