One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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