I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize