It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I enjoy the company of your penis
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