I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
