I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
