I must be too annoying 4 u.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
