So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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