i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
