I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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