I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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