he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize