Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
