it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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