Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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