Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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