i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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