update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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