she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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