I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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