Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
