yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
