I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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