Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
