fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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