I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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