New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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