Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's blow job season.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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