So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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