i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
