Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
