So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
