there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
