Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
