Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
