You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
