Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
