Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
