You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
