I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
