before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize