Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
