I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I forget how to act sober
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
