I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
