I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
