i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
