I wish I only lived at night.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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