i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
