Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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