i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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