Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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