Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
