The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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