I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
honey bunches of taint.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm passing your future prison.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
