1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
