So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
