my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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