I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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