Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
