she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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