Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize