I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
