McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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