at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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