and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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